They say we are our harshest critic. Though many times I don't feel like I'm being tough on myself, it's evident when I STOP doing what I was doing. I used to think it was my attention span, but now I realize it's more like my quest to be my best at all times. The cycle of unfinished projects and the frustration that follows can be exhausting. I say it's like I'm treading water. I'm busy moving, but not going anywhere.
So about two years ago I realized that I was REALLY STUCK in a job I absolutely hated. Actually, let me rephrase that. I STOPPED being my best and got stuck waiting for someone else (read: my manager) to TELL ME the opposite. I showed up everyday hopeful something great would happen, when in truth I wasn't doing anything to move myself forward there...I was just busy staying in one place treading water. This wasn't a way I wanted to live because, as should be expected, I complained about being STUCK all the time!
I decided that this wasn't going to do and so around the time I was feeling hopeless - I began digging into personal development. (Truth: my side gig - now my permanent gig- encouraged personal development and with all the success I saw, I knew there had to be something to it). Understand I had definitely sough out coaching and self improvement courses over the years, but this was consistent and something I made sure I did daily. I read, I wrote and I believed. My attitude improved, my work ethic was getting better and my confidence was coming back.
Lots of things happened during the next few months that could have turned me inside out (getting laid off is super fun), but for the first time in a long time I pushed through my imperfect life without fear of being judged. All with confidence and poise, I found myself understanding who I was and why I reacted the way I did. My personal development was a habit that I was feeding and I loved feeling like I was making progress down this new path.
Then last fall, all my hard work flew out the window as the very real worry of not being a good enough to keep my kids hit my radar. I was overwhelmed with wanting to give my best, AND this time I knew I was being judged, graded and looked at under the CPS microscope. I honestly thought (on many sleepless nights) that my best wouldn't do. I was frantic that they were going to take away my kids because we had "expired mayo" in our fridge and our sockets were exposed (I'm not exaggerating, I was in a panic people). However, a funny thing happened on the way to our adoption date. The muscle memory of doing a daily practice of personal development kept me moving forward. Sometimes in a total daze, sometimes I was actually present in the moment. Either way - I kept putting in the good thoughts and words and made plans and dreams and miraculously wound up on the other side.
So here I am. I still hit pause when I'm getting critical about what I'm doing and how I'm doing it. Like this blog. I was hitting "save" a lot and then letting my drafts build up. Luckily, I can say that I have a village of encouragers...supporters who push me and remind me that I don't have to be perfect or the best all the time. And I've got a habit of positive influence that has me shake off the critic within and just do it.
*Side note: I desperately want to hit "save" instead of publish. Just in case it's not (and believe me I know it isn't) perfect. Instead, I trust my gut and go with it. xo
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Monday, September 22, 2014
The Art of Competing and NOT Comparing Yourself
Competing and comparing seem to go hand in hand. He's faster. She's smarter. I'm funnier. However, if you peel back and think about competition - you're really only ever competing against yourself and what you've done before. Comparing ourselves is the baggage we have placed into the competition - all on our own (or perhaps with the help of some old experience we can't seem to let go of).
Today at boot camp I had my competitive "aha" moment. We were doing relays and I will admit, I was anxious as I think of myself as the one who might hold the team back. Recently though, I've been reading and buying into the fascination factor that Sally Hogshead shared with us at my RF convention. I decided that today I would not be the one to hold back my team. I was nothing, if not enthusiastic to do my part. That simple mind shift led me to a place I have not embraced before.
The place was competing and not comparing for the first time ever! I was so focused on the task at hand and doing MY best that I didn't have time to think about being the slowest, who was quicker, had better form, how cute someone's shoes were - I was in the zone with just me. UNTIL I was neck in neck with the girl next to me as we're lunging backwards in the first relay race. When she kicked it at the end, the competitor came out and I kicked it into HIGH gear, too. What happened next felt so good and was so much fun, I don't think I could go back to the way I used to compete - it's just no fun to compare. We high fived each other after each leg and though we kept our eyes on each other the whole rest of the class- I focused on what I could do, using her as a motivator. It was awesome! Then it dawned on me...I need to do this in my life both personally and professionally. For the first time I was present in the moment where I didn't compare myself to her...I used her as an incentive to PUSH MYSELF!
Perhaps I am behind you all in figuring this out. Or maybe, you're like me and you've sat like a deer in headlights because you thought "I can't do that...not like her anyway....why even bother trying."
We compare ourselves to the detriment of ,well, ourselves. Stop focusing on other's successes - they don't need your help...YOU need your help!
We need to be in the zone by ourselves - to focus on our own skills. We are unique. We are FASCINATING in some way that no one else is. Play in that space, the space where you excel and figure out how to make that work as your COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE. When you stop comparing, all of a sudden everything becomes clear and you start to grow, stretch and WIN!
What else can I say? The art of competing and not comparing is one I want to master. This feels right, it feels good and I want more.
Today at boot camp I had my competitive "aha" moment. We were doing relays and I will admit, I was anxious as I think of myself as the one who might hold the team back. Recently though, I've been reading and buying into the fascination factor that Sally Hogshead shared with us at my RF convention. I decided that today I would not be the one to hold back my team. I was nothing, if not enthusiastic to do my part. That simple mind shift led me to a place I have not embraced before.
The place was competing and not comparing for the first time ever! I was so focused on the task at hand and doing MY best that I didn't have time to think about being the slowest, who was quicker, had better form, how cute someone's shoes were - I was in the zone with just me. UNTIL I was neck in neck with the girl next to me as we're lunging backwards in the first relay race. When she kicked it at the end, the competitor came out and I kicked it into HIGH gear, too. What happened next felt so good and was so much fun, I don't think I could go back to the way I used to compete - it's just no fun to compare. We high fived each other after each leg and though we kept our eyes on each other the whole rest of the class- I focused on what I could do, using her as a motivator. It was awesome! Then it dawned on me...I need to do this in my life both personally and professionally. For the first time I was present in the moment where I didn't compare myself to her...I used her as an incentive to PUSH MYSELF!
Perhaps I am behind you all in figuring this out. Or maybe, you're like me and you've sat like a deer in headlights because you thought "I can't do that...not like her anyway....why even bother trying."
We compare ourselves to the detriment of ,well, ourselves. Stop focusing on other's successes - they don't need your help...YOU need your help!
We need to be in the zone by ourselves - to focus on our own skills. We are unique. We are FASCINATING in some way that no one else is. Play in that space, the space where you excel and figure out how to make that work as your COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE. When you stop comparing, all of a sudden everything becomes clear and you start to grow, stretch and WIN!
What else can I say? The art of competing and not comparing is one I want to master. This feels right, it feels good and I want more.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Redefined and STILL curious
2013. It was a weird and wonderful year full of lessons and life changes. The year was full of transformations both professionally and personally. It was the beginning of redefining who I thought I was and who I wanted to be. It was the continuation of being curious.
The year started out with some major life decisions and evaluations. And then - in the way it often goes - the decisions I wouldn't make got made for me. In February I got laid off and ended a 21 year career in advertising - ended because I chose to follow my passion as an entrepreneur instead of seeking another gig at another agency. This was A BIG deal that took a lot of patience, understanding and more patience on my part.
I really thought I was ready to jump into this next chapter. I was really surprised when I stopped mid-jump and well...froze. Funny how your biggest opponent to success is often yourself. It was here that I had to dig deep and look at who I was and what I was doing and WHY I was doing it. So long I had been an ad exec...and now I wasn't. I also wasn't starting a business from scratch, I was piggy backing on two amazing entrepreneurs' coat tails. Getting to the core of who I was becoming professionally was tougher than I thought it'd be.
I was beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel and was getting a little bit of clarity when BAM! We finally got the news we were waiting YEARS for...we were going to be parents! We finally got matched with two little guys - brothers! We were about to start our family.
It was a time filled with a roller coaster of emotions. Panic set in and I had no choice but to move at lightening speed to prep myself emotionally, get our house and their rooms ready. I was about to be a mom and had less than 3 weeks to figure it all out (this is despite the amazing training we got from our agency, The Settlement Home). I would get weepy just thinking of being a mom and I didn't want to freak the boys out, so I focused on mommymode. It's a place where you don't cry in front of your kids so you can be the adult and make rather reasonable decisions on everything from what they eat to what they are exposed to. This place forced me to reevaluate who I thought I was personally.
What nobody tells you is that when your world gets rocked, it is OK to question what you know about yourself. I think a good life is one where you constantly evolve and learn, but with my questions came doubt, fear. I was an ad exec. A DINK household with two dogs that I spoiled. I traveled. I enjoyed spending money on fine dining and cool adventures. I knew that person and what she wanted (BTW - she wanted a family and to be her own boss, too). This new version...well I had no idea what she wanted, but I decided it would be fun to figure it out.
I'm redefining myself and finding out what makes me tick. And I'm still curious about what that means.What I found so far is that it really is OK to question, to be scared, to doubt myself. In that state of being I think anything goes and the fear and doubt will eventually take a back seat to the adventure ahead.
The year started out with some major life decisions and evaluations. And then - in the way it often goes - the decisions I wouldn't make got made for me. In February I got laid off and ended a 21 year career in advertising - ended because I chose to follow my passion as an entrepreneur instead of seeking another gig at another agency. This was A BIG deal that took a lot of patience, understanding and more patience on my part.
I really thought I was ready to jump into this next chapter. I was really surprised when I stopped mid-jump and well...froze. Funny how your biggest opponent to success is often yourself. It was here that I had to dig deep and look at who I was and what I was doing and WHY I was doing it. So long I had been an ad exec...and now I wasn't. I also wasn't starting a business from scratch, I was piggy backing on two amazing entrepreneurs' coat tails. Getting to the core of who I was becoming professionally was tougher than I thought it'd be.
I was beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel and was getting a little bit of clarity when BAM! We finally got the news we were waiting YEARS for...we were going to be parents! We finally got matched with two little guys - brothers! We were about to start our family.
It was a time filled with a roller coaster of emotions. Panic set in and I had no choice but to move at lightening speed to prep myself emotionally, get our house and their rooms ready. I was about to be a mom and had less than 3 weeks to figure it all out (this is despite the amazing training we got from our agency, The Settlement Home). I would get weepy just thinking of being a mom and I didn't want to freak the boys out, so I focused on mommymode. It's a place where you don't cry in front of your kids so you can be the adult and make rather reasonable decisions on everything from what they eat to what they are exposed to. This place forced me to reevaluate who I thought I was personally.
What nobody tells you is that when your world gets rocked, it is OK to question what you know about yourself. I think a good life is one where you constantly evolve and learn, but with my questions came doubt, fear. I was an ad exec. A DINK household with two dogs that I spoiled. I traveled. I enjoyed spending money on fine dining and cool adventures. I knew that person and what she wanted (BTW - she wanted a family and to be her own boss, too). This new version...well I had no idea what she wanted, but I decided it would be fun to figure it out.
I'm redefining myself and finding out what makes me tick. And I'm still curious about what that means.What I found so far is that it really is OK to question, to be scared, to doubt myself. In that state of being I think anything goes and the fear and doubt will eventually take a back seat to the adventure ahead.
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