2013. It was a weird and wonderful year full of lessons and life changes. The year was full of transformations both professionally and personally. It was the beginning of redefining who I thought I was and who I wanted to be. It was the continuation of being curious.
The year started out with some major life decisions and evaluations. And then - in the way it often goes - the decisions I wouldn't make got made for me. In February I got laid off and ended a 21 year career in advertising - ended because I chose to follow my passion as an entrepreneur instead of seeking another gig at another agency. This was A BIG deal that took a lot of patience, understanding and more patience on my part.
I really thought I was ready to jump into this next chapter. I was really surprised when I stopped mid-jump and well...froze. Funny how your biggest opponent to success is often yourself. It was here that I had to dig deep and look at who I was and what I was doing and WHY I was doing it. So long I had been an ad exec...and now I wasn't. I also wasn't starting a business from scratch, I was piggy backing on two amazing entrepreneurs' coat tails. Getting to the core of who I was becoming professionally was tougher than I thought it'd be.
I was beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel and was getting a little bit of clarity when BAM! We finally got the news we were waiting YEARS for...we were going to be parents! We finally got matched with two little guys - brothers! We were about to start our family.
It was a time filled with a roller coaster of emotions. Panic set in and I had no choice but to move at lightening speed to prep myself emotionally, get our house and their rooms ready. I was about to be a mom and had less than 3 weeks to figure it all out (this is despite the amazing training we got from our agency, The Settlement Home). I would get weepy just thinking of being a mom and I didn't want to freak the boys out, so I focused on mommymode. It's a place where you don't cry in front of your kids so you can be the adult and make rather reasonable decisions on everything from what they eat to what they are exposed to. This place forced me to reevaluate who I thought I was personally.
What nobody tells you is that when your world gets rocked, it is OK to question what you know about yourself. I think a good life is one where you constantly evolve and learn, but with my questions came doubt, fear. I was an ad exec. A DINK household with two dogs that I spoiled. I traveled. I enjoyed spending money on fine dining and cool adventures. I knew that person and what she wanted (BTW - she wanted a family and to be her own boss, too). This new version...well I had no idea what she wanted, but I decided it would be fun to figure it out.
I'm redefining myself and finding out what makes me tick. And I'm still curious about what that means.What I found so far is that it really is OK to question, to be scared, to doubt myself. In that state of being I think anything goes and the fear and doubt will eventually take a back seat to the adventure ahead.
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